Annabel Cole admires the fashion senses of Victoria Beckham (pictured). But the size 8 mum struggles to fit into her clothes
Ever looked at Victoria Beckham’s clothes and wished you could raid her vast wardrobe, just for a day? Me too. I’ve recently started to admire VB’s fashion sense.
Only one small problem - small being the operative word. Even though I’m a size 8-10, I fear squeezing into Posh’s frocks would be a stretch too far.
So when I heard the Beckhams were giving away clothes to raise money for the Philippines, I knew it was my chance not only to support a worthwhile cause, but finally to see if I could fit into Victoria’s frocks.
My daughter, Elsa, 14, who is a slim size 6, is just as excited. ‘Make sure you buy something I could wear Mum!’ she says, before going to school.
And so I queued up outside the British Red Cross shop in Chelsea, West London, yesterday, elbows sharpened, to see what I could get my hands on.
‘Remember this is a charity shop. It’s for a good cause, so no squabbling’, says the woman on the door. Inside there are rails of cast-offs from Beckingham Palace — but sadly it’s fashion Siberia in there.
Where are the iconic Versace gowns or the Herve Leger body-cons? Most of the items look like tat from the early
Noughties. There’s cami tops, cowboy boots and flared jeans as far as the eye can see.
Then there’s a pair of red Dolce & Gabbana heels that I recognise from Posh’s back catalogue — these 4in beauties would have cost her £700 — some orange Jimmy Choos and some pretty ghastly boots from her Spice Girl days.
There is also a white D&G tuxedo, previously modelled by David that I pause over... but no, my husband would kill me.
In the end, I manage to get my hands on five of her designer cast-offs but, up close, Victoria’s clothes look even more childishly proportioned — after all, she has a legendary 23in waist. So will they really fit me, or is the only person who stands a chance of getting into them my teenage daughter?
ZAC POSEN GREY DRESS: SALE PRICE £150
This
frock is an actual size four - also known as the mythical size zero.
Like the giant panda, I have never seen one in the flesh before.
It takes me ten minutes of crowbarring to get it on and even then, as you can see (left), I couldn’t do up the side zip - not even close.
I’ve barely got one boob in it and am aware my tummy is hanging out.
I don’t know how Victoria does it - the woman must be built like a pencil!
But Elsa looks wonderful in this dress. It is a little big around the bust, but that’s to be expected considering that Posh has had some help in this area. Otherwise, it’s a perfect fit.
It takes me ten minutes of crowbarring to get it on and even then, as you can see (left), I couldn’t do up the side zip - not even close.
I’ve barely got one boob in it and am aware my tummy is hanging out.
I don’t know how Victoria does it - the woman must be built like a pencil!
But Elsa looks wonderful in this dress. It is a little big around the bust, but that’s to be expected considering that Posh has had some help in this area. Otherwise, it’s a perfect fit.
ALEXANDER CAMPBELL RED LEATHER SKIRT: SALE PRICE £100
The leather feels wonderfully soft, but sadly, the good news stops there.
It’s so small I can barely dip my toe into this skirt, let alone fit it round my waist. It would be better worn as a sleeve.
My ego is plummeting as I really expected to be able to get more of these clothes on. This skirt could have looked so elegant on me...
Even Elsa struggles to get into it, which is claimed to be a size eight.
I had to help zip her into it and she could barely walk because it was so tight.
I find it extraordinary that a grown woman can fit into something a 14-year-old can’t.
It’s so small I can barely dip my toe into this skirt, let alone fit it round my waist. It would be better worn as a sleeve.
My ego is plummeting as I really expected to be able to get more of these clothes on. This skirt could have looked so elegant on me...
Even Elsa struggles to get into it, which is claimed to be a size eight.
I had to help zip her into it and she could barely walk because it was so tight.
I find it extraordinary that a grown woman can fit into something a 14-year-old can’t.
MARIA GRACHVOGEL BLACK DRESS: SALE PRICE £150
This has the potential to be an elegant dress, but it is just absurdly small.
It has no size in the label, for which I’m almost thankful, but it can’t be any bigger than a size 4. I’ve never seen anything like it.
As I struggle in, I think this that just can’t be meant for adults.
Incredibly, I get it on but it rides up unbearably high on my thigh, thanks to my stomach stretching it in the wrong direction.
The whole thing is so narrow and sheer it feels like slipping into a pair of tights.
I’m thrilled to get it on - but devastated by my reflection.
Obviously, Elsa looks amazing. I am so depressed. It fits her perfectly - which is unbelievable.
I can’t imagine what Victoria looks like in real life if my tiny teenager can fit into her clothes. She clearly doesn’t have hips, never mind a muffin top.
It has no size in the label, for which I’m almost thankful, but it can’t be any bigger than a size 4. I’ve never seen anything like it.
As I struggle in, I think this that just can’t be meant for adults.
Incredibly, I get it on but it rides up unbearably high on my thigh, thanks to my stomach stretching it in the wrong direction.
The whole thing is so narrow and sheer it feels like slipping into a pair of tights.
I’m thrilled to get it on - but devastated by my reflection.
Obviously, Elsa looks amazing. I am so depressed. It fits her perfectly - which is unbelievable.
I can’t imagine what Victoria looks like in real life if my tiny teenager can fit into her clothes. She clearly doesn’t have hips, never mind a muffin top.
HALTER NECK CAMISOLE: SALE PRICE £25 / ROCK & REPUBLIC JEANS: SALE PRICE £25
I don't have the best legs in the world, but I thought I might be in with a shot with these jeans.
I’m a 28in waist and these say 24in, but they do look stretchy. Not stretchy enough, it turns out. I can’t get them above my thighs.
This brand is one of VB’s favourite - I must have seen 40 identical pairs at the sale.
Then Elsa puts them on and I am blown away. Her legs look phenomenal and she reminds me of a Seventies siren. My depression deepens.
Mysteriously, this top doesn’t have a label. It looks like a one-off, with exposed wobbly seams, but the highest quality lace embellishments.
I wouldn’t be surprised if one of VB’s designer friends knocked this up. I just manage to get into it, but the cup size is outrageously small. How do Posh’s ginormous boobs fit in this? It looks dated on Elsa (right), though it fits her perfectly.
I’m a 28in waist and these say 24in, but they do look stretchy. Not stretchy enough, it turns out. I can’t get them above my thighs.
This brand is one of VB’s favourite - I must have seen 40 identical pairs at the sale.
Then Elsa puts them on and I am blown away. Her legs look phenomenal and she reminds me of a Seventies siren. My depression deepens.
Mysteriously, this top doesn’t have a label. It looks like a one-off, with exposed wobbly seams, but the highest quality lace embellishments.
I wouldn’t be surprised if one of VB’s designer friends knocked this up. I just manage to get into it, but the cup size is outrageously small. How do Posh’s ginormous boobs fit in this? It looks dated on Elsa (right), though it fits her perfectly.
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